I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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