Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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