I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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