Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
