I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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