you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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