I'm passing your future prison.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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