I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
