youre lurking in front of me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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