is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
