I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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