I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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