Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do herpes really smell.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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