We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
