I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
