Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
