Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
