Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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