Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
