are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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