well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
