even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So much rum. So many feels.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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