david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
