So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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