In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
