At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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