there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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