i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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