I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
