I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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