So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
