would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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