All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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