I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
