I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
as a side note pls kill me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
