Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
