my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
