Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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