my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
