I wish I could teleport
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
