he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
