im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
