Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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