someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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