he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
