the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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