yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
