this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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