Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
