Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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