think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
