new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
