So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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