Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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