I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
