i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize