Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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