Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
