Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The best revenge is premature balding
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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