Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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