he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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